Janvier 2008Kyoto, Kansai (Japon)
"walkin' on kanjino yuki"
My funny Valentine, I'm back. Back from the islands... back from what has been a long lasting dream... but I kept in mind every single thing I did, saw, heard. This morning, while the sun wasn't high yet, in the middle of ricefields, lost between the fog and memories of Dutch, she played saxo for me. I'll never forget those moment of intense calm and happiness. She might never be aware of the so many things she brought me. She probably thinks she didn't do anything... still she did. Thanks to her, I wasn't lost. Thanks to her I learn how being pesimistic or realistic could be at the same time painful and beautiful. I learned how to be patient, how to listen, how to remain quiet. I discovered that no matter what the other think or feel, being sure of my proper feelings is the biggest treasure I could have.
I'll probably have a lot to write about those short (too short) but intense fifteen days spent at the extremity of the world, bent over the sky full of snow. But tonight, as I listen to my good old Miles Davis, nothing comes to my mind. Too many burning memories, too many warm impressions are still printed in the deepth of my skin. I want to take my time before writing the chronicles of this journey in the empire of shadows and lights. Let's get minimalistic a bit.
Just a few words on the shot... It was night after another of these grestest day. We were wandering by the Gion district in Old Kyoto city when from the upper side of a bridge, she asked me to shoot a man walkin' along the river banks. I missed the shot she wanted. I had the one I was looking for : a blur shadow sliping on the dark and snowy ground, like a penbrush runs on a piece of paper to draw meaning signs. She wanted to erase this picture... she broke my arm and almost killed me but the picture remained on the memory card and lands now on my blog. I'm glad it survived.
I'll probably have a lot to write about those short (too short) but intense fifteen days spent at the extremity of the world, bent over the sky full of snow. But tonight, as I listen to my good old Miles Davis, nothing comes to my mind. Too many burning memories, too many warm impressions are still printed in the deepth of my skin. I want to take my time before writing the chronicles of this journey in the empire of shadows and lights. Let's get minimalistic a bit.
Just a few words on the shot... It was night after another of these grestest day. We were wandering by the Gion district in Old Kyoto city when from the upper side of a bridge, she asked me to shoot a man walkin' along the river banks. I missed the shot she wanted. I had the one I was looking for : a blur shadow sliping on the dark and snowy ground, like a penbrush runs on a piece of paper to draw meaning signs. She wanted to erase this picture... she broke my arm and almost killed me but the picture remained on the memory card and lands now on my blog. I'm glad it survived.
janvier 2008Himejijo, Kansai (Japon)
Years ago, I remember I attended a very particular situation : some young female trainee journalist was sitting in the video room, watching the rejected sequences of her reporting work (the cameraman was a non gifted one). Suddenly, an elder man, who happened to be his boss went in the office and stoped, captivated by what was on air on the screen.
The young woman, mad for having lost so much time and film quantities, was angrily moaning her complain. However, she was surprised to hear from her boss : "Your cameraman is a very gifted one, you know ?"
She turned back and faced him, lost : "Chief, you must be out of your mind ?! This jerk only shot stupid and useless film sequences... his bullshits costed us a precious time"
The old man kept his look on the screen and added "Then he really must be deeply in love with you"...
She grinned, before asking, skeptical : "aannnd... what make you think such nonsense ?"
Her boss held his arm and pointed his finger in direction of the young woman on the screen. He said : "look at at your smile Miss, and tell me, does you face often have this kind of smile ? Are you naturally smiling that way ? Don't you see, beyond this quest of your natural self, that the cameraman's heart is burning... as much as yours ?
Years after this incident... I'm still standing. I admit that the people I shoot are less and less ready to be shot... They actually refuse more and more as they're aging.
Still, I didn't forget the old man words.
We all forget too often how unnatural are Joy and Happiness. We believe that they are feelings difficult to reach, but stable. We raise them up on a piedestal and refuse the idea that happiness could be something else that Beauty of Perfection.
But it's wrong.
Happiness is something very unstable. Something flying into the air as free as we all should be. Happiness is something that is readable, and that our imperfect bodies translate very well. We often don't accept that our awkward smiles or our rude laughs can be the vector of this happiness. But Those smiles of laugh belongs to Happiness.
I loved a woman in Japan. I still love her today though I'm back... And I'll love her for a long time I think, no matter the distance, no matter the fact she doesn't love me... I shared with her intense moment happiness... and because I keep for ever in memory as in some few part of my rolls evidences of those brief moments, I don't want nor feel like being desperate.
The young woman, mad for having lost so much time and film quantities, was angrily moaning her complain. However, she was surprised to hear from her boss : "Your cameraman is a very gifted one, you know ?"
She turned back and faced him, lost : "Chief, you must be out of your mind ?! This jerk only shot stupid and useless film sequences... his bullshits costed us a precious time"
The old man kept his look on the screen and added "Then he really must be deeply in love with you"...
She grinned, before asking, skeptical : "aannnd... what make you think such nonsense ?"
Her boss held his arm and pointed his finger in direction of the young woman on the screen. He said : "look at at your smile Miss, and tell me, does you face often have this kind of smile ? Are you naturally smiling that way ? Don't you see, beyond this quest of your natural self, that the cameraman's heart is burning... as much as yours ?
Years after this incident... I'm still standing. I admit that the people I shoot are less and less ready to be shot... They actually refuse more and more as they're aging.
Still, I didn't forget the old man words.
We all forget too often how unnatural are Joy and Happiness. We believe that they are feelings difficult to reach, but stable. We raise them up on a piedestal and refuse the idea that happiness could be something else that Beauty of Perfection.
But it's wrong.
Happiness is something very unstable. Something flying into the air as free as we all should be. Happiness is something that is readable, and that our imperfect bodies translate very well. We often don't accept that our awkward smiles or our rude laughs can be the vector of this happiness. But Those smiles of laugh belongs to Happiness.
I loved a woman in Japan. I still love her today though I'm back... And I'll love her for a long time I think, no matter the distance, no matter the fact she doesn't love me... I shared with her intense moment happiness... and because I keep for ever in memory as in some few part of my rolls evidences of those brief moments, I don't want nor feel like being desperate.
Je me souviens, il y a quelques années, d'avoir assisté à une scène des plus étranges : une jeune journaliste se trouvait devant les rush indésirables d'un reportage effectuée en compagnie d'un piètre cameraman. Le chef de service a fait irruption dans la salle de visionnage et s'est immobilisé, captivé par les images. Il s'agissait en réalité des prises de vues intercalaires et de toutes les coulisses du reportage.
La jeune journaliste, excédée d'avoir perdu tant de minutes précieuses et de pellicule soufflait le chaud et le froid. Elle fut pourtant surprise devant la réaction de son supérieur lorsque celui-ci lui dit : "vous avez un cameraman qui est très doué".
La jeune femme se retourna brusquement, perplexe : "Mais qu'est-ce que vous dites ?? Cet imbécile n'a fait qu'accumuler les images inutiles et ses bêtises nous ont coûté un temps précieux". Le vieil homme, les yeux toujours rivés sur l'écran, ajouta "alors c'est que cet homme vous aime vraiment".
Elle fit la moue avant de demander, sceptique : "qu'est-ce qui vous fais penser ça ?"
Son aîné tendis le bras en direction du visage de la jeune femme sur l'écran et lui dit "regardez donc votre sourire Mademoiselle, et dites moi si votre visage l'arbore ainsi tous les jours ? dites moi si vous êtes au naturel ainsi... Ne sentez vous pas derrières ce incessante quête de vous que le coeur du cameraman déborde... comme le vôtre ?"
Des années après cela, je suis toujours là. Il faut bien avouer que les gens que je photographie sont toujours réticents. Plus ils vieillissent, plus ils le deviennent d'ailleurs. Mais je n'ai rien oublié de cette profession de foi du vieil homme. Je tâche chaque fois de la faire mienne un peu plus. Nous oublions trop souvent combien la joie et le bonheur ne sont pas des sentiments naturels. Nous pensons que le bonheur est difficile à atteindre. Nous en faisons un sentiment tellement pur et élevé que nous en oublions combien il peut surgir par petites touches, anodinement... et nous refusons de croire qu'il puisse être autrement qu'aseptisé, parfait, beau.
Mais c'est faux.
Le Bonheur est quelque chose de fugace, qui se lit très bien, même si nous l'acceptons mal parce que nos sourires gauches ou nos éclats de rires grossiers nous paraissent indignes de Lui. J'ai aimé une femme au Japon, je l'aime encore aujourd'hui, et continuerai à l'aimer malgré la distance et bien qu'elle ne m'aime pas. Et c'est parce que j'ai vécu avec elle d'intenses moments de bonheur et réussi à conserver quelques uns de ces sourires où se trouvaient sa joie que je ne crois pas nécessaire de me désespérer.
2 commentaires:
Merci pour tout.
Pour tout tes tendresses.
I wish I could be your GF
(guide fausse, guardian force, or girl friend...),
so that we could have lots of fun together.
Je vraiment souhaite de revoir mon petit gigolo a quelque part du monde.
xxx
I'll be back on sakura time... I don't need more than what you wrote. No matter the time it'll take, no matter the distance or the physical absence. Je sais juste que je t'aime and that I love the way we spent time and life. If you still don't mind, we'll soon meet again, in this life or the other. ;-)
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